How I Was Before (Vol. 1)

"How I Was Before" tells the story of Eden, a young victim of sexual abuse, as she struggles to cope with the trauma of violence in her own way, feeling her way toward recognizing herself as a survivor. Impactful and moving, Eden's journey will linger in the reader's mind long after the final page.

Eden has always been a good girl. But when her brother's best friend—and the person she secretly loved—rapes her, the Eden she once was no longer. What was simple becomes complex. What she always loved begins to hate. What she believed to be true is now a lie. Nothing makes sense anymore, and Eden knows she should tell someone what happened, but she simply can't. So she buries the truth, the trauma... and the way she used to be.

Her wish was to do everything differently. But since she can't go back in time, Eden begins to live as if she doesn't need friends, love, or justice, as she navigates the unbearable disappointments and pain of violence, the experiences of first love and first heartbreak, friendships lost and rebuilt. And as her world crumbles, Eden realizes that only one person can save her—herself.

This moving and engaging story reveals the profound consequences of trauma and how it is possible to find the courage to walk the arduous path to healing.

“This young adult book is an unflinching look at the struggles of a sexual abuse victim as she processes the trauma and finds the strength to rebuild her life.”

— Laurie Halse Anderson, author of The Impossible Knife of Memory and Speak!